Big Tits Zombie 3D

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Big Tits Zombie 3D 2010 Japan

Directed by Takao Nakano

Company Region 2 DVD

I suppose one wouldn’t go into a movie with a title like Big Tits Zombie 3D without guessing that this will probably be one of the less serious entries into the tiring-but-shows-no-sign-of-running-out-of-steam zombie genre. Bearing in mind that the film was originally called Kyonyu Dragon in it’s own country (presumably the title of the manga it’s based on), I find it hard to believe that the marketing people decided that the somewhat risque name Big Tits Zombie would attract a large percentage of the cinema going audience in this country... there are strings attached with that kind of titling ploy. “Oh, what are you going to watch tonight dear?” “Um... nothing much... just some zombie movie.” “Oh... what’s it called darling?” “Err... I forget.” At least, that’s how I would imagine the scenario would play out in some households.

Of course the big plus with a name like that is the extra you get out of the sheer incredulity of the title... how can you pass up seeing this one? And so, being mildly but sensibly and cautiously incredulous, I waited with baited breath for Big Tits Zombie to come around to my local multiplex in all it’s glorious “oot-and-in-yer-face” 3D and play to similarly “incredulated” crowds. Packing them in the aisles, I thought to myself.

Alas, while still awaiting said tribute to the bosom of the undead, I came across a copy of the film going for a fiver with two pairs of free 3D glasses in Fopp records a couple of months ago. This put paid to my hopes that such a finely marketed movie would be playing at a cinema near me anytime soon... still, there was no way I was going to miss out on the latest example of, no doubt inventive, Japanese gore fests. I remembered the last one I reviewed actually had buildings in it that bled great gouts of arterial spray when they were being trashed by a giant automaton (you can read that review here) and I also remembered realising that these Japanese movies were getting a little more aware of the lack of seriousness with which the audience is treating them (whilst devouring their blood soaked content greedily).

The pre-credit introduction on this DVD by the director, before the film plays out, told me everything I’d needed to know about this movie. He said, quite clearly, that he wanted the audience to watch and laugh with the film (well, yeah, I would have done that anyway, believe me) and also that he’d started working on it in February and that it was in cinemas by, I think he said May of the same year. Yep... that would explain why this film has slightly lower production values than some of its cinematic cousins like The Machine Girl and Tokyo Gore Police. Some of it looks a bit ropey and the zombie make-ups are definitely played for laughs... think The Toxic Avenger rather than Zombie Flesh Eaters.

Even though it does have some pretty manky sets and a “shot on video” kind of feel to it, this story of a troupe of “female dancers” who are sent to a “resort” to “dance” for cash does have it’s moments. There are some nice, bizarre one-liners in the film (assuming the english subtitles can be trusted), and a couple of quite interesting scenes which will stick in my memory for a while. One is where we see two zombies playing table tennis and using an eyeball for the ball (their attitude of a pursuit for healthy sports as opposed to flesh guzzling is not actually explained) and another involves one of the main female protagonists turning into a zombie after an early bite wound which, apparently, gives her special powers of being able to use her naked vagina as a flame thrower. This is not the most subtle of zombie movies and nor did it need to be in a genre which is not known for its subtlety in the first place.

The 3D scenes in the movie take place randomly but you are pre-warned when one of these scenes is about to turn up by an icon of 3D glasses appearing in the top left of the screen with a six second countdown on it. It’s then a mad scramble to reach around and grab your 3D glasses while you concentrate on trying to keep your hand out of your cup of tea and scalding yourself before you can be rewarded for your effort with a 3D effect that seems to shift from being okay some of the time but mostly shows up as a ghosted image slightly to the right and superimposed over the main image, which would probably destroy your eyesight permanently if not for the fact that the 3D scenes are actually few and far between.

At the end of the day, Big Tits Zombie 3D is not a bad watch if you’re as curious as I was to know where the new wave of ultra-violent, ultra-tongue-in-cheek Japanese movies are up to at the moment. Especially when the DVD is so cheap. Be warned though, while everybody in the movie is “ever so” over-the-top enthusiastic, these are not the greatest actors and actresses in the world. Watch at your peril but if you do decide to give this movie a spin, please get back to me on the rationale behind the title of the movie because, while there are examples of both undead, flesh gorging ghouls and nubile and bounteous bosoms on show, I didn’t once spot a zombie that could fit the character description so prominently and, perhaps buxomly, displayed in this proud movie’s title.