Caligula

Avoid Roman Charges

Caligula
Directed by Tinto Brass
Additional scenes by Bob Guccione
1979 Italy/USA
Penthouse Films

Warning: I guess this technically has spoilers.

So the first question you may ask yourself is... why am I reviewing a film like Caligula?

I have to confess, I never had much interest in seeing this particular movie, for sure. The thing is, Severin released a wonderful little boxed edition of two Caligsploitation movies a while back and, although I wasn’t that much interested in the subject matter, the way it had been packaged appealed to the graphic designer in me. A nice sturdy box with an inset Roman coin bearing Caligula’s head on one side and, on the other (once gently prized from the box), the Severin Films logo (apparently the packaging of this set was nominated for an award, at time of writing, which I’m guessing it probably won). So I wanted this but then figured, before I watched the actual exploitation films inside, perhaps I should finally get around to taking a look at the film which these were trying to bandwagon. So here we are...

Caligula is perhaps one of the top four or five most notorious movies ever made. Initially directed by the great, erotic movie director Tinto Brass, the film does not apparently represent his vision of it and he was effectively shut out from the editing process (quite literally locked out, from what I can tell) and the film was recut by Bob Guccione with new hardcore scenes inserted, fairly seamlessly it has to be said, within the re-ordered assembly of footage. Despite this, it’s not as much of a mess as you might think... just incredibly dull.

Many people have tried to distance themselves from this movie right from even before it got released. Famous writer Gore Vidal, for example, who made large contributions to the script and original screenplay, wanted his name removed (before he was given a princely sum for keeping it on there). The film stars various actors and actresses, the most notable being Malcolm McDowell as the titular roman, Peter O’ Toole as his grandfather Tiberius, Sir John Gielgud as Nerva (both he and O’Toole’s characters are dead way before the first hour is up) and Dame Helen Mirren as Caesonia, the most promiscuous woman in Rome and wife of Caligula. I think of them all, the only one who doesn’t really mind being associated with this movie is Helen Mirren (good for her). In fact, all the actors refused to loop their dialogue until the various hardcore sex scenes (and they are seriously, proper hardcore... I know because I imported the full length cut from Italy for this review*) had been excised. Guccione obliged and the actors re-recorded their lines... not realising Guccione would just reinsert the scenes back into the cut soon after.

The film follows the rise and eventual downfall of the famously mad Roman Emperor and it was a big hit in the playground when I was at school when I was 12. All the kids talked about it and described the scenes they remembered from watching illegal video pirates of the movie. I was never much interested but famous sequences such as the Roman guard being forced to drink huge amounts of wine only to have his bladder punctured by Tiberius’ sword, the lady getting a massage with freshly ejaculated semen, the various Romans buried up to their neck in sand while a slow moving platform consisting of whirling blades comes along to chop their heads off, the castration scene and copious amounts of male and female nudity etc... were all well known to me from my school days so, I think it would be safe to say there were no real surprises left for me when I finally came to watch this, rather disappointing movie, truth be told.

What I will say is that it’s not a terrible film on a technical level. In fact, it looks quite splendid. Tinto Brass knows how to design a movie and the cinematography combined with the surrealistic sets is very much like a constant dose of eye candy throughout. So, yeah, Caligula is nothing, if not a spectacular film.

And that extends to the acting too. Everyone does a fantastic job in this. McDowell is especially good as Caligula and seems to be almost channeling his Alex role from Kubrick’s A Clockwork Orange for this... in a ‘highly stylised, grand sense of thuggery’ kind of way although, it has to be said, this film is not nearly as ‘Monty Python’ as Kubrick’s opus, for sure. Plus, the styles of acting on display by some of the cream of the UK’s talent does, bizarrely, give this Italian/American co-production a distinctly British flavour too.

On most other levels though, the film seems to fail and, unexpectedly, also fails to be in any way erotic, despite exactly what (and who) is on show here. 

Take the music for example. Most of the movie is left unscored, even though it had two composers write two different scores for it, which were both rejected. Instead, on the opening, pre-credits scene of Caligula frolicking and fornicating in the woods with his sister, Khatchaturian’s famous Spartacus music is heard loud and, profoundly out of place, on the score (indeed, the scene itself was chopped in half and relocated here, contrary to the use Tinto Brass filmed it for). Then a credits sequence follows with a background of a mashed Caligula coin (bleeding from the eye), which obviously inspired the Severin packaging for their beautiful ‘knock offs’ box set and, as the distinguished cast are heralded, the famous balcony music from Prokofiev’s Romeo and Juliet plays. Then, when any music is needed during the rest of the film (not that often deemed worthy of music, it would seem), the Khatchaturian music keeps swelling up in the foreground... again, completely inappropriately. I can’t help but think that if the producers had stuck with a commissioned score, the film would be a lot more watchable... or at least considerably less yawn inducing.

And that’s more or less all I have to say about Caligula other than, the movie is still quite successful and popular and I’ve no idea why. I remember, as a schoolboy, walking past the poster for the movie at my local cinema for a considerable number of weeks. Also, it was quite influential right out the gate. The comic 2000AD loved to beat upcoming movies to the punch and this one, with all its hype and publicity, was a target... so they managed to get their fantastic (and much cooler) Caligula homage out in 1978-1979, in a long multi-part Judge Dredd serial entitled The Day The Law Died, which depicted the crumbling of the hierarchy of the Hall Of Justice after mad Judge Cal rose to power (even making his pet goldfish a Judge, Judge Fish, in one issue... I believe Caligula made his horse a high up ranking Roman at one point in his reign). Another thing influenced by the movie, I suspect, is Frank Miller’s comic 300, specifically in the scenes where the mutated, freakish humans are depicted (and in the subsequent movie adaptation), which seem almost ripped from the Tinto Brass film.

So, yeah, that’s me done on Caligula. I wouldn’t recommend this to pretty much anyone. It’s not a terrible movie and there’s a lot of talent behind it... it’s just not very good and, perhaps, doesn’t even quite live up to its notoriety. A bit meh!

 *Please note, this is not the new Director's Cut which was released in cinemas yesterday (and already disowned by said director, it seems, who had nothing to do with it).