Zombiesaurus

D’ya think...?

Zombiesaurus
aka The Jurassic Dead 
aka Z-Rex - The Jurassic Dead
Directed by Milko Davis and Thomas Martwick
USA 2017
101 Films DVD Region 2

Wow. This is terrible.

In fact, the only thing I could think of that would be almost as bad as wasting my time sitting through this film is having to waste my time writing a review of it. 

And it’s going to be a short review, for sure (my apologies). 

Now I know a lot of people spend a lot of time and hard work making a movie but, sometimes something is so bad that you have to warn other people about it. I saw this a few years ago, going cheap in a nice, slipcased DVD (seriously, why did they bother?) and I knew it would be entertaining to some degree. I mean, with a name like Zombiesaurus... right?

How wrong I was. 

And how do you screw up a movie with a concept that includes a reanimated, dead dinosaur? Well, like this I guess. This isn’t, sad to say, some ironic ‘so bad it’s good’ concoction of a movie... this one is just generally bad and cheap looking and confusing (in terms of what the hell is going on with the script) and... yeah... it’s just all kinds of bad. 

The story... from what I could make out of it... involves a group of five commandos who infiltrate a terrorist’s top secret bunker because he has made a serum that brings dead things back to life. We know this because in one of the pre-credits scenes he tries it out on a stray dinosaur (yeah... obviously easy to find a dead dinosaur in real life, right?) and it reanimates. After he also reanimates a dead cat one year later, he is killed by a car but... he’s not really dead and, knowing some meteors will be hitting the earth soon, he decides to release his serum into the atmosphere sometime after this. So that’s why the five commandos are there. Um... okay.

And there are also four university students whose car breaks down in the middle of the desert due to an EMF pulse caused by the meteor. So they happen to accidentally stumble on the bunker at pretty much the same time and, then, it’s a race against time to stop the release of the serum into the atmosphere and... um... I think that’s more or less it. But believe me when I say that, not matter how good any of that may or may not sound... the story is a pretty confused mess which feels like it’s being re-written every ten minutes or so. 

And the execution of story... doesn’t include too much footage of the titular zombie dinosaur and everything looks so fake and cheap (including the man in a costume dinosaur... or perhaps it’s just a big puppet) with fake CGI blood (but really fake) and fake explosions superimposed over everything (like a 1980s video arcade game) and, the worst sin of all, totally unlikeable characters. None of whom seem to have any kind of redeeming quality. I mean, if you’re going to start killing these people off... at least attempt to have someone an audience cares about in jeopardy. I couldn’t wait for each next person to die because I thought, the fewer there are in this, the nearer I am to the end (and it’s not a long film to begin with). 

The only slight positive was that one of the characters, played by someone called Andy Haman, looks exactly like the video game character Duke Nukem and his name is Duque (pronounced Duke). This likeness is discussed in the movie and, really, it’s the only moment where it even scratches close to being entertaining. Even some of the acting feels pretty forced and fake. Not to mention the terrible score and... well... terrible everything else.

So that’s me done with Zombiesaurus... possibly one of the worst films I’ve ever had to suffer through. I mean, at one point I thought that maybe it was so bad because the writers were attempting to be ironic but, if that is the case (and I really don’t think it is) then it all fell flat anyway so... no. Just no. I wouldn’t come close to recommending this one to anybody at all. Watch something else, would be my advice.