The Empire Strips Back

Booby Fett’s 
Sith and Tail

The Empire Strips Back - 
A Burlesque Parody
Riverside Studios, Hammersmith, London
Sunday 13th July Matinee Show

It was on a Sunday afternoon when my Twin Ion Engines and I rocketed to the Riverside studios in Hammersmith to see the much talked about Star Wars themed burlesque show, The Empire Strips Back. It wasn’t a Solo mission, about eight of us went in the end. I had a bad feeling about this but, I’d have to say, nobody came away from this experience disappointed as the whole cast and crew were definitely strong with the Force. 

Indeed, the first act started off very strongly and it didn’t really go down hill from there. It began, after the familiar title crawl, with a Hoth scene and an absolutely brilliantly constructed Tauntaun carrying it’s concealed but curvy rider onto the stage. I was almost as impressed with the strong back underneath the sexy young lady that was able to do this through the suit as I was with the level of detail on the costume itself. After the rider dismounted and treated us all to a wonderful striptease style set piece (which included a few steps here and there from her Tauntaun companion), she finally removed her last top layer but, as she did so, she daintily slit open the Tauntaun’s belly and covered her modesty with its entrails before the lights went down. It brought the house down and things just went up from there. 

In the next set, a young and very female version of Luke Skywalker performed a strip routine as she washed down her faithfully reconstructed landspeeder on Tatooine. The twin suns aren’t the only things that come as a twosome on that particular planet, it would seem and, the stage got pretty wet by this point. We were thinking of her first movie destiny though, all of us trying to see if there would be an appearance of her thermal exhaust port at some point.  I know I tried but... apparently there is no try.

In between the acts we had an absolutely brilliant guy called Trevor, dressed in Lando Calrissian’s cape and outfit (and glasses) who was absolutely hilarious and got the audience energy up ten fold as he asked raunchy Star Wars questions of them, ad libbing his responses as he went. Not that we really needed it as the quality of the sexy dancing, not to mention the beautiful detail on the props and sets, was all extremely high but, you know, somebody has to distract the audience during the costume and set changes. 

Another great act, of many (too many to detail here in this review) was when we saw Princess Leia, through the magic of a revolving panel, revive Han Solo (who did a hand solo) from carbonite as the two, later joined by Greedo (or possibly some other Rodian), performed a risque dance to Smooth Criminal (pretty much the only Michael Jackson song I ever thought worth buying, back in the day). And the show continued on like this until the closing act of the first half, where Slave Leia, chained at the neck, did a wonderful set in Jabba the Hutt’s palace and, let me tell you, Jabba The Hutt was not far removed from the version used in the original, proper cut of Return Of The Jedi... except the original didn't also rap. It was great entertainment as she milked all the salacious crumbs in the audience. It would be true to say that everyone had their light sabres extended in anticipation of the next part of the show.

Now, that second act, which was only 40 mins in contrast to the first hour, was maybe not so big on the sets but it definitely had its moments. A weird one with a naked, old man Emperor, with his dangling testicles swinging back and forth the stage on a mini Death Star was, for this audience member, maybe a bit too much but, it was certainly different. 

However, the wonderful solo Jedi performance and the set piece where Darth Vader and her stormtrooper girls dance along to The Imperial March (among others… Gimme Some Lovin’) more than made up for that. It would be true to say these gals, unlike the stormtroopers in the movies, certainly didn’t stray wild of their targets… they just strayed wild. There were many more acts but I particularly liked the two, lesbian Twi’lek dancing to one of my favourite Portishead songs, Roads, during this second half. 

The lady C3PO dancer was good too… especially when the Jawa’s arrived to remove all her cladding. It turns out she was the droid the audience were all looking for.  I just wish they’d had that oil bath on hand… they missed a trick there.

Okay… target’s coming up. Almost there… The Empire Strips Back came to an end with a Star Warsy modified version of Rapper’s Delight, with the entire cast (including Trevor) and even a look in from Admiral Ackbar and Yoda, performing at the final knockings. The whole show was nothing short of brilliant with amazing sets, beautifully choreographed routines that would make a Bantha howl, brilliant light shows and, well, I’d really have to remark that none of the girls’ torpedoes just impacted on the surface here. I’d definitely come again, if the choice were mine and I hope this crew drift back into London sometime soon in the next few years. Booby Fett and all.