The Inspector Wears Skirts 3 - Raid on Royal Casino Marine

A Skirtful Of Dollars

The Inspector Wears Skirts 3 - 
Raid on Royal Casino Marine
aka Huang jia du chuan
Hong Kong 1990 Directed by Wellson Chin 
88 Films Blu Ray Zone B

Warning: Some spoilerage, if such a thing is possible with this broad kind of comedy vehicle.

The Inspector Wears Skirts 3 - Raid on Royal Casino Marine is the third of the films in the popular series, although I was dreading watching the third after the appallingly bad second installment. It’s also the only one in the series not produced by Golden Harvest... which is apparently why Golden Harvest don’t allow the film to be packaged together with any of their SKIRTS movies in a box set, although this has many of the same characters and actors from the previous two films. 

Okay, so after Inspector Kan, played once again by Stanley Sui-Fan Fung, loses a bunch of police weapons (including an atomic bomb somehow) to a gang of criminals, the police have gotten wind that a gambling shop which will be hosting four crime bosses may have something to do with the heist. So in this one, he’s told to reform and retrain the SKIRTS unit, once trained up by Madame Wu. After their quick fire romance in the last movie, Madame Wu, played once again by the fantastic Sibelle Hu, is now retired and married to Kan. She has a few scenes with him near the start and, when things go wrong for everyone at the end of the film, she parachutes in to save the day and take back the gambling ship.

Anyway, the SKIRTS are reformed with a few of them returning from the previous films, including superstar Sandra Kwan Yue Ng as Amy, the funny one... providing comedy relief to a film which is nothing but comedy relief. And, yeah, it’s a mess of a movie again, just like the second one. There’s little action and the comedy is just so obvious and crude it’s hard to watch, quite often. It actually had me fooled for a while because the first ten minutes are pretty good but, yeah, when it comes to the Police Academy style training routines and various jokes about body odour, large breasts and a somewhat misogynistic attitude from the various male characters... it’s no fun. 

Things get a little better in the second half of the film, when the girls and the inspector go undercover on the gambling ship but, not that much better, it has to be said. I think it takes a special kind of dimmed down sense of humour to appreciate these films and, sadly, it’s not sparking much appreciation from me. 

There’s some ridiculous stuff too, bordering on surrealism. For instance, a VHS cassette of the notorious movie The Men Behind The Sun (a film I’ve never been curious to see due to its disturbing nature... also, I don’t want to see a bunch of rats eating a live cat for real, thanks) ushers in a scene where the inspector is electrocuting the girls to find out some completely inane and trivial piece of information. When the gals get their revenge, they drug him and make him believe he’s in various horror movies... with girls dressed up as the likes of Jason from the Friday The 13th films and Freddy Krueger from The Nightmare On Elm Street films but, trust me, it sounds better than it is. 

One scene which does have promise is when Amy and the man she falls for are having a heart to heart on the deck of the boat and a violin player comes along to add atmosphere... but it’s kinda thrown away and not really played with to make it funny... which, given the propensity of this film series to milk every joke to death, surprised me somewhat. 

And, yeah, another short review but, asides from a cast of actors who are actually all very good and playing it for all they’re worth and, despite the terrible script, then I think that’s me done with The Inspector Wears Skirts 3 - Raid on Royal Casino Marine... it’s not a film I can, in all conscience, recommend to anyone, I’m afraid. Just one more of these left to watch now... I’ll let you know how it goes. 

The Inspector Wears Skirts 2

Skirting The Issue

The Inspector Wears Skirts 2
aka Shen yong fei hu ba wang hua
Hong Kong 1989
Directed by Wellson Chin
Golden Harvest 
88 Films Blu Ray Zone B

Oops. Okay, I predict this one is going to be a pretty short review because, I really don’t have a lot to say about The Inspector Wears Skirts 2 other than, it’s not even a pale shadow of the previous film.

Once again, the film is a kind of Hong Kong equivalent to the US Police Academy films and a fair few of the cast (sadly not Cynthia Rothrock) are ported over... included Sibelle Hu as Madame Wu, the instructor of the all female SKIRTS team, Sandra Kwan Yue Ng as comic relief Amy and, as the leader of the male cadets, Stanley Sui-Fan Fung as Inspector Kan. This one also includes Melvin Wong, who I’ve seen playing a villain a few times in these 80s Hong Kong action flicks, as Mr. Lo, the visiting inspector and rival to Inspector Kan for Madame Wu’s affections. 

Okay, so this time up, four new girls join the team and are made to feel unwelcome by the other SKIRTS, as the usual pranks and infighting goes on. This includes a mess hall fight, a birthday bash dance (similar to a scene in the first film), a way too long assault course montage where pretty much every character in the film is watched as they repeatedly perform the same course and... in a last ditch effort for, literally the last ten minutes of the movie, a real life mission which reunites everybody for the common good.

And it’s all pretty dire and terrible, it has to be said. The comedy is way too broad, crude and unfunny (as seems to be the way of a lot of these 1980s Hong Kong flicks) and there’s a heck of a lot less action than in the first movie. Some of the lead actors and actresses, including the ones I just mentioned, are all very good but it’s clear they just have a terrible script to work around. It’s like the writers and producers looked at all the elements of the superior first movie which didn’t quite work... and then replicated those kinds of scenes at the expense of any good material being left in the mix. 

About all I can say which is really positive about this one, asides from the acting and the occasional stunt (although it’s clear Stanley Sui-Fan Fung is not doing his own fighting... ridiculously clear) is that it contains that ridiculously infectious ear worm of a main theme from the first film, courtesy of composer Noel Quinlan. Which is honestly the only part of The Inspector Wears Skirts 2 that I’m likely to remember in a couple of days, in all honesty. So, yeah, if the first one did nothing for you... maybe give this one a steer. I’m going to press on and watch the next two at some point either way so... I’ll let you know. 

The Inspector Wears Skirts

 

The Skirty Dozen

The Inspector Wears Skirts
aka Ba wong fa
Hong Kong 1988 
Directed by Wellson Chin
Golden Harvest 
88 Films Blu Ray Zone B

The Inspector Wears Skirts (the first one, at least) is a pretty entertaining slice of Hong Kong action cinema, produced by Jackie Chan and initially top lining Sibelle Hu in the first instance, who is really good in this one. Sometime during the production, the producers didn’t think it was working out all that well so they added Cynthia Rothrock into the cast, already making a name for herself in Hong Kong before she conquered the American market... and she turns up in the absolutely brilliant opening sequence, where she and Hu take on a bunch of terrorists... and then is brought in for the third reel for a section of training sequences and the big scene to catch out some lethal diamond robbers at the end. I think she’d already gone to America by the time of the first sequel to this one so, as far as I know, she doesn’t turn up in the other three films.

After the opening sequence, which is one of the best action scenes in the movie, the Hong King police decide to put Sibelle Hu’s character Madam Wu in charge of a new, special unit of female police officers, known as SKIRTS (no acronym origins of the codename are given because, you know, Cantonese to English translation is probably not doable in terms of getting it to make sense in English), who she will train up to help support the male police force when needed for special assignments. And this is when the film turns into Police Academy for a good long while, as Wu trains her band of recruits like an army drill sergeant and these sections and the inevitable ‘battle of the sexes’ between the male and female cadets are played for laughs a lot of the time. And, if you’re not familiar with the style of Hong Kong movies during this period of their cinema... the comedy is played very broadly with a lot of crudity and slapstick, it seems to me. It’s not all to my taste, I have to admit but, like most comedy, some of it hits and some of it definitely misses. 

And then Cynthia Rothrock’s character, Madam Law, is brought back to take an even tougher training stance with the girls and then, when both the male and female units are despatched undercover to a fashion show to protect the jewellery... well... somewhat predictably, it’s the gals who save the day with a nicely put together series of creatively choreographed fight scenes, which are all pretty entertaining. 

And, helpfully, the various cadets played by the likes of Regina Kent and Ann Bridgewater all play likeable characters who the audience can, at least, sorta relate to and, luckily, are all doing some good action work here too. Although, with some of the male leads... I could have perhaps done without the song and dance number, truth be told. 

The editing is quite good in this too, asides from the normal action editing... where the timing has to be just right. In one scene, for instance, after one of the male police cadets has taken part in a drinking competition with one of the girls, he passes out and starts to fall to the floor. This cuts then to a new scene which starts off with a bang of an explosion, timed perfectly to when the guy’s head in the previous shot would have hit the floor. Giving the previous sequence a kind of audio/visual punctuation period point (or full stop as we call it here in the UK). 

Another stand out thing is the score... which perhaps stands out for some of the wrong reasons but it seems appropriate to the comic undertones of the whole thing. So, yeah, the score for this one by Noel Quinlan (who I only know from The Man From Hong Kong... reviewed by me at some point in the future... it’s in the pile, okay?) like the comedy content of the film, is not exactly subtle or clever but, unfortunately for me, it’s quite an infectious ear worm of a cheesy synth-pop main theme which helps give some of the scenes a certain buoyancy, it has to be said.

And I think that’s me about done on the first The Inspector Wears Skirts film. I didn’t know what to expect from this and I’m pleased to say that I liked it just fine (to the point where I’m going to have to go and buy all the sequels, which have fortunately now been released over here by the same company in the UK) and I’m still hearing that annoyingly catchy theme tune in my head... more’s the pity. So, yeah, expect some other reviews of similar films to follow this one soonest.