The Inspector Wears Skirts IV

 

Retirement Blues

The Inspector Wears Skirts IV
aka 92 Ba wang hua yu Ba wang hua
Hong Kong 1992 Directed by Wellson Chin 
88 Films Blu Ray Zone B

Well now, apart from the first of these movies, which included Cynthia Rothrock, I’d have to say that this series of films is not something I’d really wish to revisit again anytime soon. That being said, The Inspector Wears Skirts IV starts off with a fairly strong opening half an hour, before completely blowing it for most of the rest of the running time. So this at least puts it a little higher in terms of entertainment value than the second and third films in the franchise. 

We actually start with a full blown action sequence of the remaining members of the old SKIRTS unit, trying to save some hostages, with some getting killed or injured. We then get some cartoon illustrations and later freeze frames from old films in the series to fill us in on what some of the characters have been doing since leaving the force. Then we have the graduation ceremony for the new girls, almost all of whom resign because they don’t respect their boss. However, due to a hostage situation and a gangster trying to get the police to release his kingpin father, the remaining two skirts go to recruit some of the old gals, by fair means or fowl, to help them get their mojo back (for want of a better description). They are also led by the new ‘Golden Skirt’ who is there to teach them, played by none other than Cynthia Khan. 

Now, one of the old gals they manage to get back, just about, is May, played again by Kara Ying Hung Wai as a person driven crazy by her experiences in the SKIRTS... so they have to get her released from a mental health institution (think like a female version of Murdoch from The A Team, is the way she plays her this time around). And then, of course, no SKIRTS movie would be complete without the return of Sandra Kwan Yue Ng as Amy, now divorced from the most unlikely guy in the third film and raising her son as a single parent. I have to say, this really shows up the producers idea that the third movie, though still sharing the same director, doesn’t really count as part of the franchise in their books... so it really doesn’t follow on from the character as we left her at the end of the last movie at all.

And I’d like to tell you this was more consistently entertaining than the last one but, we’re again assaulted by very crude and broad humour which mostly fails to land but, at least there’s a lot more action this time around and it feels more like a Hong Kong martial arts piece in that sense. But yeah, there’s really not much going for it and when the finale involves a school full of child hostages (including Amy’s kid) there’s even a sequence where said kid sets booby traps for a comical henchman to get repeatedly caught in, like the film just suddenly turned into Home Alone for a few minutes. 

The one thing which does raise this is the quality of the subtitles... and if you’re buying the British version put out by 88 Films, if you want an extra, unintentional comedy treat (which, lets face it, if you’re watching this series, may well be the only way you’re going to get a laugh)... then said subtitles seem like they’re particular tailored for the British audience. I lost count of the times the various characters say things on the subtitles like... “Bloody Hell”, “Bollocks”, “Piss Off” and “You Wanker”. I mean, I’m assuming this has been re-subtitled for the recent American release of this movie?

Highlights to this one would be the novelty of cartoon pictures, the moment when a gangster in a wheelchair opens fire with twin machine guns coming from said chair and a strange, metatextual moment when one of the characters comments on how dream-like a particular location is, which is all shot soft focus so she’s commenting on the camerawork as much as anything.

However, at the end of the day, a few neat moments and a strong opening do not make for a good film and are unable to hoist The Inspector Wears Skirts IV up from the mess it gets itself into. Probably the second best of the franchise but, yeah, really nothing in here for me to recommend to others, that’s for sure. 

The Inspector Wears Skirts 3 - Raid on Royal Casino Marine

A Skirtful Of Dollars

The Inspector Wears Skirts 3 - 
Raid on Royal Casino Marine
aka Huang jia du chuan
Hong Kong 1990 Directed by Wellson Chin 
88 Films Blu Ray Zone B

Warning: Some spoilerage, if such a thing is possible with this broad kind of comedy vehicle.

The Inspector Wears Skirts 3 - Raid on Royal Casino Marine is the third of the films in the popular series, although I was dreading watching the third after the appallingly bad second installment. It’s also the only one in the series not produced by Golden Harvest... which is apparently why Golden Harvest don’t allow the film to be packaged together with any of their SKIRTS movies in a box set, although this has many of the same characters and actors from the previous two films. 

Okay, so after Inspector Kan, played once again by Stanley Sui-Fan Fung, loses a bunch of police weapons (including an atomic bomb somehow) to a gang of criminals, the police have gotten wind that a gambling shop which will be hosting four crime bosses may have something to do with the heist. So in this one, he’s told to reform and retrain the SKIRTS unit, once trained up by Madame Wu. After their quick fire romance in the last movie, Madame Wu, played once again by the fantastic Sibelle Hu, is now retired and married to Kan. She has a few scenes with him near the start and, when things go wrong for everyone at the end of the film, she parachutes in to save the day and take back the gambling ship.

Anyway, the SKIRTS are reformed with a few of them returning from the previous films, including superstar Sandra Kwan Yue Ng as Amy, the funny one... providing comedy relief to a film which is nothing but comedy relief. And, yeah, it’s a mess of a movie again, just like the second one. There’s little action and the comedy is just so obvious and crude it’s hard to watch, quite often. It actually had me fooled for a while because the first ten minutes are pretty good but, yeah, when it comes to the Police Academy style training routines and various jokes about body odour, large breasts and a somewhat misogynistic attitude from the various male characters... it’s no fun. 

Things get a little better in the second half of the film, when the girls and the inspector go undercover on the gambling ship but, not that much better, it has to be said. I think it takes a special kind of dimmed down sense of humour to appreciate these films and, sadly, it’s not sparking much appreciation from me. 

There’s some ridiculous stuff too, bordering on surrealism. For instance, a VHS cassette of the notorious movie The Men Behind The Sun (a film I’ve never been curious to see due to its disturbing nature... also, I don’t want to see a bunch of rats eating a live cat for real, thanks) ushers in a scene where the inspector is electrocuting the girls to find out some completely inane and trivial piece of information. When the gals get their revenge, they drug him and make him believe he’s in various horror movies... with girls dressed up as the likes of Jason from the Friday The 13th films and Freddy Krueger from The Nightmare On Elm Street films but, trust me, it sounds better than it is. 

One scene which does have promise is when Amy and the man she falls for are having a heart to heart on the deck of the boat and a violin player comes along to add atmosphere... but it’s kinda thrown away and not really played with to make it funny... which, given the propensity of this film series to milk every joke to death, surprised me somewhat. 

And, yeah, another short review but, asides from a cast of actors who are actually all very good and playing it for all they’re worth and, despite the terrible script, then I think that’s me done with The Inspector Wears Skirts 3 - Raid on Royal Casino Marine... it’s not a film I can, in all conscience, recommend to anyone, I’m afraid. Just one more of these left to watch now... I’ll let you know how it goes. 

The Inspector Wears Skirts 2

Skirting The Issue

The Inspector Wears Skirts 2
aka Shen yong fei hu ba wang hua
Hong Kong 1989
Directed by Wellson Chin
Golden Harvest 
88 Films Blu Ray Zone B

Oops. Okay, I predict this one is going to be a pretty short review because, I really don’t have a lot to say about The Inspector Wears Skirts 2 other than, it’s not even a pale shadow of the previous film.

Once again, the film is a kind of Hong Kong equivalent to the US Police Academy films and a fair few of the cast (sadly not Cynthia Rothrock) are ported over... included Sibelle Hu as Madame Wu, the instructor of the all female SKIRTS team, Sandra Kwan Yue Ng as comic relief Amy and, as the leader of the male cadets, Stanley Sui-Fan Fung as Inspector Kan. This one also includes Melvin Wong, who I’ve seen playing a villain a few times in these 80s Hong Kong action flicks, as Mr. Lo, the visiting inspector and rival to Inspector Kan for Madame Wu’s affections. 

Okay, so this time up, four new girls join the team and are made to feel unwelcome by the other SKIRTS, as the usual pranks and infighting goes on. This includes a mess hall fight, a birthday bash dance (similar to a scene in the first film), a way too long assault course montage where pretty much every character in the film is watched as they repeatedly perform the same course and... in a last ditch effort for, literally the last ten minutes of the movie, a real life mission which reunites everybody for the common good.

And it’s all pretty dire and terrible, it has to be said. The comedy is way too broad, crude and unfunny (as seems to be the way of a lot of these 1980s Hong Kong flicks) and there’s a heck of a lot less action than in the first movie. Some of the lead actors and actresses, including the ones I just mentioned, are all very good but it’s clear they just have a terrible script to work around. It’s like the writers and producers looked at all the elements of the superior first movie which didn’t quite work... and then replicated those kinds of scenes at the expense of any good material being left in the mix. 

About all I can say which is really positive about this one, asides from the acting and the occasional stunt (although it’s clear Stanley Sui-Fan Fung is not doing his own fighting... ridiculously clear) is that it contains that ridiculously infectious ear worm of a main theme from the first film, courtesy of composer Noel Quinlan. Which is honestly the only part of The Inspector Wears Skirts 2 that I’m likely to remember in a couple of days, in all honesty. So, yeah, if the first one did nothing for you... maybe give this one a steer. I’m going to press on and watch the next two at some point either way so... I’ll let you know.