Rivers Of London

Swazzle Stick

Rivers Of London
by Ben Aaronovitch
Gollancz
ISBN: 9780575097582

One of the few joys of getting old is finding another writer whose work you really enjoy. The extra icing on that particular cake is when it’s the first book in what turns out to be a substantial series of novels already published. I think I’ve had a few recommendations from people to start up with the Rivers Of London series over the years, the last time from someone three years ago with whom I was doing jury service but, since the people who make these recommendations don’t know me that well, I’ve always put buying one of these books on the back burner, so to speak.

So I’m very pleased that I finally lifted the lid and read the first novel in the series and, a fine tome it turned out to be. Not quite what I was expecting either, to tell you the truth. Set in modern London (mostly... I’ll talk about that in a little while) the books follows the first big adventure of graduate policeman Peter Grant and his colleague/friend/crush Lesley May. Told in first person viewpoint by Grant, who really is the main protagonist here, the book starts off in Covent Garden with these two young coppers guarding a crime scene late at night. The crime scene in question dealing with a man near the actor’s church in Covent Garden, who has had his head knocked off. When Lesley goes to get coffee for them both in the small hours of the morning, Peter finds himself face to face with a witness to the crime. The only problem with that is... the witness is a very old ghost.

The book goes on from there as Peter and Lesley discover a previously unknown (to them) one man branch of the police dealing with ‘magic and occult’ phenomena. A man known as Nightingale. Peter becomes his apprentice, learning how to cast spells and detect supernatural phenomena... since Nightingale is also a very old wizard. Along the way, Peter and Lesley find themselves entrenched in a very dangerous investigation, negotiating the practicalities and bureaucracy of dealing with the existence of Gods, monsters and other creatures that go more than just bump in the night. Generally putting themselves in very dangerous situations where, if you’re not careful in the case of the main antagonist of this particular case... your face might fall off.

And it’s great, shot through with a very strong dose of humour right from the outset. The main characters are all very likeable and the situations they find themselves in inhabit a world which could easily be cliché ridden but, in actuality, are told with a certain freshness and sparkle that you don’t always find in more poe faced works dealing with this kind genre, or indeed ‘genre mix’, as it marries strong fantasy elements (including the rivers and their rulers fighting over territories... such as rivals Father Thames and Mama Thames) with modern police procedural methods and references. It’s by no means downgrading the police but I do like the fact that it’s par for the course in this novel for certain officers to falsify evidence and witness reports, lying at the request of their senior officers which, when Peter has to do that, gets him the compliment of “You do have the makings of a proper copper.”

Also, when the writer/narrative voice starts to make jokes about the Midichlorians from the Star Wars prequels and paraphrases a line from Blade Runner (things which the reader would either know or not and, Peter usually doesn’t get a laugh from these since the characters he cracks them with don’t seem to recognise what he’s talking about) then... well, Aaranovitch already had me hooked but even more so once he’s started down this road. There even another discrete reference, again not spelled out, to the 1972 British movie Death Line, at one point.

More humour is found when Peter’s attempts at learning magic have some decidedly dodgy and damaging results at times. Plus casual one liners such as when he’s told a suspect is hiding in Walthamstow and his first thought is “Many would say that was punishment enough.”, had me in stitches... or as close as I get to stitches on my generally unsmiling features.

The approach to magic is something I quite enjoyed too. Peter is picked on because Nightingale sees something special in him, particularly considering he managed to see... and interview for a witness statement... a ghost, when he didn’t even believe in them until then. And the way Peter approaches the many magical realms opened up to him is to relate it all to science and he experiments with it the same way a scientist might test various hypothesis... very much in laboratory conditions.

The other big thing I enjoyed was the many shout outs to parts of London that I know well. Most of the locales Aaranovitch writes about are known to me and I find it ironic, since I don’t go into London as much as I used to. That’s also going to age the books for future readers too, I’m afraid. This book was first published in 2011 and, already in 11 years, many of the shops and haunts he writes about have changed or disappeared. I remember them but, I suspect that as Peter carries on in future books, he will note the changes to certain places in the text... at which point it will probably be a London I recognise less with each passing book unless I start going down there more regularly and actively revisiting these areas for myself.

And the story develops in a way which I didn’t see coming until it was revealed either (which is a hard thing to do to me, to be honest, I usually see stuff coming a mile off). There was one point in the story where a particularly horrible and terminal crime is committed against a babe in arms which, honestly, should have given me a big clue as to where this was all going... I just wasn’t expecting it and I missed it completely. And I’m really not complaining... that’s a good thing as far as I’m concerned. Surprise me with the writing and I’m going to stay interested, for sure.

And that’s all I’ve got to say about Rivers Of London other than, as a sign of respect to the hundreds of books on my to read pile, the second volume in the series, Moon Over Soho, will definitely be going on my Christmas list and I’m planning on reading all the other books in the series during 2023 too, if I can afford books on top of all these new energy bills... I might be piling them all up and burning them to get some heat going instead, if I’m not careful. But, if you like stuff like the Night Watch books and are happy if I describe these novels a being a kind of Harry Potter for grown ups... then you should probably like this one, for sure.

Olivia

Gephyrophile Fails

Olivia
aka Prozzie
aka Double Jeopardy
USA/West Germany 1983 Directed by Ulli Lommel
Vinegar Syndrome Blu Ray Zone A

Warning: Some story spoilers in this.

I actually had the 88 Films Blu Ray of this movie to watch under it’s more notorious title Prozzie. However, I then found out that the US release was a little longer and had precious seconds or more added to the cut so, I waited for Vinegar Syndrome to have their ‘halfway to Black Friday’ sale and then pounced on their release, under the title Olivia. Curiously, when I try and find this film on the IMDB, it loads it with yet another title, Double Jeopardy, which is odd since neither of the Blu Ray English language releases (from either side of the pond) carry that title. It doesn’t matter what it’s called though, as far as I’m concerned, the result is the same. I was expecting some kind of ultra sleazy slasher flick and, instead, I found a pretty great movie that’s neither overly sleazy nor... well, it’s not really a slasher either, if you realise that all four murders in the film are committed by three people acting on their individual motives... so, yeah, it’s hardly a slasher either.

The film opens strongly to the chimes of Big Ben and shots of the waterfront of the River Thames, including London Bridge. All the action of the movie, over the three time periods depicted, take place somewhere in the vicinity of London Bridge, even though the film is set in two countries (yeah, okay, I’ll get to it in a minute). We see young Olivia, spying through a keyhole while her mother, a prostitute who has a fairly grim looking flat overlooking the bridge, services a client. Between tricks she reads Olivia a bedtime story and then Olivia spies on her again as she takes on a new customer... an American GI who wants to be tied up and abused but, importantly as part of the game, mustn’t be untied once the BDSM game is in play. You can kind of see it coming a mile off but, Olivia’s mum finds out soon enough that the protection is for her, not him, as she releases him prematurely in the throws of his lust and he kills her by bashing her head against the bed head. He doesn’t know Olivia has been watching and discards the body in the Thames, under the bridge. After her mother’s body is discovered the next day, nobody turns up to mourn her at the funeral other than Olivia.

Cut to 15 years later and Olivia (played by Suzanna Love) is unhappily married in an abusive relationship with a terrible piece of human trash for a husband, Richard (played by Jeff Winchester) who won’t even let her take a job waiting tables in her local pub for the lucrative sum of £4 per shift. She’s pretty much living in the same spot as her mother did when she had the flat... overlooking the bridge... and has all manner of cute pets but lives with a tyrant and gets bored during the day so, soon she tarts herself up and decides to work as a prostitute, plying her trade on London Bridge.

Things go wrong with her first customer though, as she ties him up and then kills him by smashing a glass vase into his head. Turns out she has her mother living in her head, calling out for vengeance against mankind. But then a new love interest turns up from America in the form of Mike, played by Robert Walker Jr (readers may best remember him as the telepathic adolescent psycho Charlie Evans in the early Star Trek episode Charlie X). He is in England to advise the current bridge committee as to whether London Bridge can be cheaply restored or if it needs to be demolished (there have apparently been many bridges of that name in that spot in London over the centuries). Anyway, he picks up Olivia as her client and the two fall in love as she realises that, despite her mum’s insistent, murderous overtones in her head, not all men are cut from the same cloth. The two hit it off but, inevitably, Olivia’s husband finds them in a romantic entanglement on the bridge and a struggle ensues in which the husband plunges, presumably, to his death in the Thames. However, Olivia is so distressed by the turn of events that she runs off.

We’re about half way into the movie now and we then cut to... four years later. In Arizona... around London Bridge. Yep, the other London Bridge. The version of it sold off to a gullible American (who allegedly thought he was buying Tower Bridge) and reconstructed in Arizona. Mike is enjoying the bridge (and the texture of the stone on his hands, in a fairly unusual, extended shot sequence of just that close up of his hand travelling the bridge) and he spies someone who works there, giving a tour near the bridge for prospective buyers of apartments in the area.

He stalks her as the film suddenly takes a hard turn into Hitchcock’s Vertigo territory, as she looks quite a bit different but is also vaguely familiar to him as the girl from London. He knows he’s right when she displays the same penchant in her new identity for opening beer bottles by biting the caps off with her teeth. After some ducking and diving, the lovers are reunited and Olivia changes her outward appearance to match what it was in London. However, the lurking threat of the POV camera, reminiscent of when Olivia was watching her mum with her clients at the start of the movie, along with the music, tells the audience they are both being watched by a third sinister presence. But who can it be? Well, it’s pretty obvious for most of the audience, I think but I don’t want to give away any more plot details. Suffice to say, there are two more murder scenes to get through, one of them involving ‘death by electric toothbrush’... I don’t think I’ve seen that in a movie before. There’s also an ending which finishes the story with a killer dumping a body under the Arizona version of London Bridge and the melody of London Bridge Is Falling Down on the soundtrack.

And it’s a really great film. I had so much fun with this one. The framing is okay and the editing all works well and doesn’t lose you. There are lots of lingering shots of legs etc to give it an almost voyeuristic feel and also, Joel Goldsmith (son of the great Jerry) provides an extremely sinister sounding score... almost like a musical experiment involving fog horns with a kind of prominent low droning at some points. I would love to get my hands on a CD release of this one but, alas, the soundtrack has never been released in any format that I can find (I’m wondering if the Dragon’s Domain label might be able to release it some day).

The acting, though, is extraordinary... especially the main lead, who is the real star of the show in no uncertain terms. I was so taken with Suzanna Love’s performance in this and was staggered to find she hasn’t made that many movies and, most of them were for her ‘then’ husband. It turns out she’s Ulli Lommel’s spouse and she was cast because she was cheap. And, by cheap, as is my understanding from an interview with her (one of the many nice extras Vinegar Syndrome have included with this beautiful restoration), I mean they didn’t actually pay her. These were low budget movies and so if you cast your wife, you get the talent cheap, I guess was the logic. And what a talent. Never mind that she looks fantastic (she’s nude for a number of scenes in this too) but the transformation from Olivia to her new personality in Arizona, Ginny, is absolutely gob smacking and I can’t believe how good she is in this.

The interview is one of a number of special features on this presentation of the movie which also includes cinematographers, the writer and some home video footage from the shoot. All in all, I have to say I was completely surprised and bowled over by Olivia and I can’t figure out why this is not a better known movie. Despite it’s low budget and puzzlingly sleazy reputation, I’d recommend this to any of my cinephile friends and it’s certainly something I’d like, time permitting, to revisit on a semi-regular basis. Plus, how many movies can there be out there which has two different London Bridges in different countries as their setting. I’m so glad I discovered this movie. Definitely one to watch.

Her Private Hell

Caught Snapping

Her Private Hell
UK 1968
Directed by Norman J. Warren
BFI Flipside
Blu Ray Zone B/
DVD Region 2 Dual Edition

I recently become properly acquainted with the work of director Norman J. Warren by way of the wonderful Blu Ray boxed edition from the Powerhouse/Indicator label, Bloody Terror: The Shocking Cinema of Norman J Warren. The contents of this box will be coming in over various reviews in the weeks and, possibly, months to come but, before I put those up, I wanted to take a look at Warren’s debut feature release My Private Hell, which I picked up on Blu Ray a couple of years ago from my local Computer Exchange shop for around a fiver. And, I have to say, the film is amazing.

It’s black and white photography and begins with a couple making love under the credits, with really beautiful photography which utilises the textures and abstract forms that can be achieved using this kind of filming. It immediately feels both European and somehow grittily English as the story, such as it is, unfolds.

Starting off with the arrival in England of Italian protagonist Marisa, played by Lucia Modugno, who appeared in such films as The Girl Who Knew Too Much, Danger Diabolik and Isabella, Duchessa Dei Diavoli (aka Ms. Stiletto, reviewed here), we follow her in her new career in ‘Swinging London’ as she is given board and lodging and a luxury lifestyle living in sin with the head photographer, all laid on by a modelling studio. So we have the photographer Bernie (played by Terence Skelton), his assistant Matt (played by Daniel Ollier), their direct bosses Margaret (played by Pearl Catlin) and ultimately Neville (played by Robert Crewdson)... plus a couple of Bernie’s ex-girlfriend models. The basic through line of the picture is the issue of nude pictures of a reluctant Marisa being sold on the sly and the tensions this causes within their small community as she swings between Bernie and Matt and ultimately gets confused and troubled by her situation (which really isn’t as hellish as the title makes it sound, to be honest).

However, what the film really is, is a time piece which nicely captures the 1960s London lifestyle (to a certain extent)... perhaps not as I remember it personally because I was just a toddler but, certainly the spirit as it’s often portrayed on film, at least. Mind you, I was born five days after this movie came out and in much less than two years I was a professional child model myself, working for a modelling agency called Tiny Tots (are they still around?)... and from what little I can remember of the atmosphere in the photo studios at the time... a lot of this rang true, to be honest.  

And, honestly, what promise this director had back then. It’s like Antonioni meets London all over again as Norman J. Warren matches the subject matter of the movie, the pursuit of the perfect pictures, with an astounding visual flair and jagged, ‘of its time’ editing style which really got me going ooh and ahh as I watched it (mentally oohing and aahing, for the record). There’s a real beauty to the way he manages to throw people together perfectly into the 1.33:1 aspect ratio of the shoot. I loved, for instance, the way he places people around objects and furniture, giving the shot a certain depth through a strong sense of perspective and then having people walking into the front of a shot and blocking out part of the view to present new compositional possibilities within the same frame.

Even on the rare sequences where he goes on location, he manages to treat the various environments such as the airport where Marisa pitches up at the start of the movie, as something which is interacting with the body shapes of the actors in some perfect set ups. For instance, during a forest montage sequence, bang slap in the middle of the movie, where Marisa goes out with Bernie to take some ‘fun pictures’, Warren manages to use the vertical tree trunks and angular, jutting branches to create little pockets of space to frame the actors in. It’s really nice stuff and it's this kind of harkening to the art form that kept me engaged with it all the way through. Not to mention that the actors are all pretty good and Marisa and Matt are quite sympathetic. He even manages to get a couple of overhead shots (whether using a crane... or just standing on the roof of a building is my guess) and it all pitches in with the monochromatic photography to dazzle the eyes.

There’s also a nice punchline to the film with, literally, the very last line of the movie. I won’t spoil that for you here but I wonder if the line was somehow shocking in it’s day or just, of it’s time. It’s fairly tame now but it’s also a nice bit of insight which possibly transforms some viewers' perceptions of the attitudes inherent in the film they’ve just been watching a little and, well... I appreciated the moment.

Unfortunately, the film was cut for time in the US version and also cut due to censorship of certain of the sexualised moments in the UK (see Dr. Adrian Smith’s informative essay detailing these as part of the accompanying booklet with the discs for more details). Rather than present the film as a composite, extended cut, the extra US moments are presented as three minutes of deleted scenes (along with several other nice extras which I haven’t had time to explore as yet). I would have preferred them to have been recut back into the feature presentation, for sure, because one of those deletions explains what I thought was a continuity jump in an earlier part of the film but... yeah, censorship causes problems folks, just don’t do it.

And that’s me done on this one. I think this may be my favourite film yet by the director and, given its successful reception back in 1968, I have to wonder why Norman J. Warren’s career took the path it did and why he plumped for a career in, more or less, B movie horror films (some of which are absolutely brilliant and others of which are... yeah, I don’t like to think of Bloody New Year too much). It’s clear just how talented he was and it’s a shame we’ve just lost him... he died in March 2021. I know his films will definitely live on for many though and, I’d certainly recommend Her Private Hell if you like the kind of cinema that was coming out of the London scene in the late 1960s, for sure.

Scala Cinema 1978-1993

Scala’d Lady

Scala Cinema 1978-1993
Slipcase Edition
Written by Jane Giles
FAB Press ISBN: 978-1903254981

I have a confession to make. Although I remember going into the lobby/box office area at least once to check it out back in the day, I don’t think (I may be wrong) that I ever saw an actual film at the famous Scala Cinema near King’s Cross (now, sadly, deceased). That being said, I jumped at the chance to back this Scala Cinema 1978-1993 book on Kickstarter, reprinting all of those distinctive, rough and ready movie timetable posters because of what the Scala meant to me at the time and for the atmosphere it was bound to capture.

You see, I was a college student in London from around the mid 1980s to very early 1990s, first on a general Art and Design Diploma in the Clerkenwell area and then onto my Graphic Design Degree at the London College Of Printing, Elephant And Castle. So I used to pick up those ‘what’s on’ posters all the time and marvel at the world of films which I loved, often showing on these things. I was big on what has come to be known as ‘world cinema’ at the time and the programmers at the Scala would often schedule these in, alongside movies I’d often never heard of at that tender age. I’m sure I wasn’t the only student who used to grab these and then use them to decorate my cubicle at college, both signalling my interest in film to other kids while putting up free advertising for the cinema. These colourful and chaotically designed posters were beautiful things in their own way and, I wish I’d kept more of them. I may have one or two in the loft somewhere but... that’s about it.

Jane Giles, who put this book together and wrote the accompanying text for each and every month of the Scala’s total schedule, was one of the programmers there for a while. She was also, near the end, the one prosecuted when the council finally cottoned on to one of the ‘illegal’ screenings of Stanley Kubrick’s A Clockwork Orange. I guess the younger generation of film enthusiasts don’t realise how good they have it these days. A Clockwork Orange was banned for public consumption until after Kubrick’s death and the only way you could really see it back in the day, asides from the odd cheeky screening at the Scala, was to hop on a train to Camden Town and, more often than not, you would find a guy selling bootleg VHS copies of the film for a tenner a shot (that’s how I first saw it).

But getting back to Jane Giles and her beautiful book...

If it was just the wonderful, full colour reproductions of the fronts and smaller reprints of the backs of the Scala programmes, then the book would be cheap at half price. It’s an attractive tome with a slip case showing a lovely black and white shot of the cinema on one side and a new Graham Humphries poster style artwork commemorating the cinema on the back. The book itself is a monster and has attractive black covers with a gold foil blocked Scala logo on the front and, on the back, a gold blocked portrait of one of the Scala cats (I don’t know which one).  However, it’s not just about the posters and packing, as I soon found out when starting to read it.

It turns out that, not only is Jane Giles a thorough researcher, she’s also a highly entertaining and informative writer and what I thought was going to be the lesser part of the book, her quite voluminous text is actually, on reflection, at least as valuable (possibly more so) than the souvenir and nostalgia rush of the programmes themselves.

The book starts off with a big introduction section where she talks about a lot of things which will spark memories for Londoners. So, for instance, the importance of Time Out magazine to people in the days long before the internet. She also goes through the whole history of the area since the 18th Century and talks about the various buildings and performances in those venues. Additionally, due to its importance to this kind of cinema programming, she talks a bit about The Other Cinema, which I used to go to when it was renamed as the Metro on Rupert Street before... in its final years... it reverted back to being called The Other Cinema again. Saw a lot of good movies there.

And, of course, she goes heavily into the conditions that the cats/staff laboured under and, once the intro is finished, we are into squidzillions of pages of posters set out in double page spreads. On the right hand page is a full colour reproduction of the original poster for a specific month... not quite as large as the originals if memory serves but nevertheless a treat. The left hand page will have a smaller reproduction of the back of the poster, a few stills from films showing that month (or various other ‘items of interest’) and... some accompanying text from Jane.

Which is half of what this book is all about, as far as I’m concerned. She starts off each page with an account... or flavour... of just what was showing that month and this is sometimes accompanied by an explanation of why film x or y might have been included in the programme. She also tells you just what else politically or financially was happening at the cinema that month, makes notes on famous guests and live performances etc and also, and this really brought back the time period for me, tells you what other important events were going on in the UK or the rest of the world in that month. So yeah, Hillsborough disaster, Lockerbie bombing, Hungerford massacre, Steel worker strikes, UFOs in Rendelsham Forest, Thatcherism... it’s all here along with the terrible fire which claimed so many lives at King’s Cross station. It seems one of the late shift cashiers had a lucky escape and I remember a lot of my ‘class mates’ did as well that night. I recall we’d all been staying late to do some life drawing and so we were all travelling home when the fire broke out. I was alright because I was travelling from Farringdon back into Liverpool Street but many of my friends went the other way and I remember stories of lucky escapes the next day. It was a close one but... not for a lot of people that night.

It’s all good stuff and, despite the depressing ponderings of some of those world changing events mentioned above, the book is also full of fun and really captures both the atmosphere of the time (living in London in that period) and, presumably, the heady atmosphere of attending a screening there (not that I’d know that bit, more’s the pity). And some of these double bills, triple bills and all nighters were unbelievably quirky and often didn’t follow any logic... at least that’s the way it seemed to me back then. This was all a part of the cinema’s charm of course. It was certainly postmodern if nothing else... but it was also everything else too.

For instance, you could see a Pigs And Robots Revolt double bill of Blade Runner and Razorback. Or a double bill which somehow connected the 1966 Batman movie with Terry Gilliam’s Brazil. And where else could you watch an all nighter on 22nd March 1980 which would include movies like She Demons and Attack Of The Crab Monsters (one of my favourites, reviewed here) and then follow it up the next day with a screening of Kurosawa’s masterful Dersu Uzala before returning on the Monday for a triple bill of three of The Marx Brother’s early Paramount treasures? Nowhere is where, except maybe for the Everyman at Hampstead but, that’s a different story and quite a different atmosphere, to be sure.

It’s all good stuff and the, actually massive, textual contribution which is the real meat of the book elevates this tome far above and beyond being just another ‘movie book’ for sure. For me, this one is ‘right up there’ with my other favourite and most precious book about an aspect of the cinema, the equally cumbersome to hold and read hardback edition of Tim Lucas’ Mario Bava study, All The Colours Of The Dark. Scala Cinema 1978 - 1993 is that good, a true treasure of a book on movies (and it has my name listed in the back as a financial contributor, to boot... yay, me!). If you’ve been sitting on the fence about purchasing the now dying breed that is the first (and probably only) print run of this book then you really should get on it. It perfectly captures a time and place that many will remember and I certainly wouldn’t want to forget in a hurry. A rich, visual fusion of celluloid themed imagery and some very informative and sometimes even quite moving text. Snap this beauty up while the snapping’s good... I doubt you’ll ever regret it.

You can buy the book from the Fab Press website here www.fabpress.com and from all good book retailers.

Q The Music In Concert

A Q To A Kill

Q The Music...
James Bond Concert Spectacular
17th March 2019 - Adelphi Theatre, London

Regular readers of this blog (and I know from my stats there must be at least a few of you) may remember that I’ve gone on record as being not a big reviewer of music and rarely write up any of the many concerts I’ve been to in my life. Although I absolutely love music, it’s not a medium I feel confident to talk about with any level of expertise, or even competence for that matter but, occasionally I will go out on a limb and try to do something because a concert has either been an exceptionally good experience, such as concerts by Hans Zimmer (reviewed here) and Brian Tyler (reviewed here) or, once, an exceptionally bad experience such as the Star Trek - The Ultimate Voyage concert from 2015 (reviewed here). In fact, as far as concert reviews go, I think those three were the only ones I've put on here so I’m pleased I’ve found another concert which was both fun and exciting enough... not to mention having a certain amount of authenticity where it was needed in relation to the original recordings... to report on here.

Now I’ve seen a lot of the greats of film music composers both conducting and performing over the last four decades, many pf them more than once. Ones I can remember off the top of my head are Philip Glass, Michael Nyman, Jerry Goldsmith, Elmer Bernstein, John Williams, Ennio Morricone, Goblin, Fabio Frizzi, Clint Mansell, Brian Tyler, Hans Zimmer, Michael Giacchino, Murray Gold, James Newton Howard, Howard Shore, Danny Elfman, Zbigniew Preisner and perhaps more pertinent to this particular concert... John Barry, George Martin and David Arnold. I’ve also seen live performances to movies handled by other conductors but I don’t like those so much because I prefer to hear the music without sound effects when I see such things. And the concerts I really have a problem with is when a random conductor leads ‘cover versions’ of various composers works and does ‘an interpretation’ of a ‘concert arrangement’ of a piece which, frankly, does not sound much like the originals...

The reason I’m making this point is because, when my friend ‘Doctor Rob’ rang me up to see if I wanted to go and see this concert with him my first impulse was... thanks but, no thanks. However, in the end I turned that into a strong yes for two reasons. Reason number one was that the concert was supposed to be compered by Madeline Smith and Caroline Munro and, if you are a regular reader of my blog, you’ll know that Caroline Munro has a special place in my cinematic heart and I wanted to see her performing from a script rather than just meet her at the signings I regularly attend when she does one in London (there’s one this Saturday in Camden Town if anyone is interested). As it turns out, this first plus point didn’t go quite as planned but... I’ll get to that in a minute.

Secondly, I clicked on the video link on the concert promo page and, asides from one of the singers doing some really nice vocals of various Bond tracks (I’ll get back to Kerry in a little while too) I thought the orchestra was getting really close to an authentic ‘John Barry sound’ on the clips... rather more so than pretty much anyone else I’ve heard trying to go for that as, believe me, Mr. Barry’s orchestrations are pretty hard for a group to get right live, in my experience. So, yeah, I thought I’d give them a go and... I’m really glad I did.

So I sat in my seat at the Adelphi Theatre with my friend, flicking through my newly purchased programme (okay, it was an expensive tenner but it’s one of the more substantial programmes I’ve ever bought at a concert, to be honest and well worth the money). Bond music from the various movies was being played on some loud speakers for ambience while we waited for the show to begin. I loved that Caroline Munro had four pages to herself in the programme and... well... it was such a shame that although she was originally billed to be there, she’d been replaced (presumably last minute because there were no slips in the programmes and no announcements that we could hear) by Caroline Bliss, who played Miss Moneypenny in the Timothy Dalton era. However, both Miss Bliss and Miss Smith did an excellent job of compering, as did the mind behind the orchestra Q The Music, Mr. Warren Ringham, who wrote their scripts and plays both Trumpet and Flugelhorn in the show.

And, I have to say, it was a treat from start to finish.

The show has two singers in Matt Walker (who handles the majority of the male vocals, although not all) and the absolutely incredible vocal talent of  Kerry Schultz, who also does all of the female vocals and some of the male vocals too. Now, it’s not just songs either. The show was jam packed with Bond stuff and although roughly three quarters of the shows are dedicated to truly awesome versions of various Bond songs (not only the title songs either) there are also instrumental cues listed in the programmes as ‘Special item - To Be Announced’ and these further highlight just how well this ‘band’ are able to nail the James Bond sound. For example, we were treated to some quite meaty and lengthy suites from Goldfinger (Into Miami, Odd Job's Pressing Engagement and Dawn Raid At Fort Knox), A View To A Kill (including a beautiful solo performance by a lady who's name I can't find listed in the programme) and The Living Daylights too.

However, some of the cues scheduled for the evening had to be dropped, from what I understand but, well you certainly can’t complain that this orchestra and vocalists, who were on their feet for the best part of three hours, didn’t give us value for money. And it was an absolute pleasure to hear Miss Schultz belt out tracks like Live And Let Die, GoldenEye and Another Way to Die. I also liked the two accompanying dancers who would come out every now and again, matching Miss Schultz, costume change per costume change and who were especially fetching in their latex and boots combos... but that’s probably something I should comment less on here.

One of the nice things also, about the band, was the way that when featured instruments had a significant contribution to the proceedings, such as on cues like On Her Majesty’s Secret Service and Bond ‘77, the people playing would step out of the orchestra to the front so you could see them doing their thing. That was pretty good.

As an encore for the show, they did one of my favourite Bond songs, Surrender, from Tomorrow Never Dies and that was a great one to end the evening on. Mr. Ringham did intimate that a version of Backseat Driver was also scheduled for the performance but, alas, they just ran over time and couldn’t squeeze it in. Mr. Ringham also, asides from Caroline Bliss and Madelaine Smith, told some absolutely wonderful stories from both fans of the orchestra (one who found inspiration battling cancer stands out) and also a brilliant anecdote about Sir Roger Moore which I’d never heard before. It really was a good evening.

Now, there were some ommissions that would have made the concert even better for me... if I wanted too much of a good thing. Renditions of 007, Capsule In Space, Mr. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, The Look Of Love, Where Has Everybody Gone (vocal version) and Die Another Day were not included in this performance. However, in all of those cases, they are in their repertoire and you can see them performing these in concert in all the usual places you can find such stuff on the internet (including their web page, which you can find a link to at the end of this article). However, in the case of doing a credible version of a less substantial song such as Die Another Day, well... I can see why they dropped that one.

There was also a double CD and a double DVD of one of their concerts for sale in the foyer... which meant I ended up unintentionally spending a lot of money that evening when I didn’t mean to. These are also available to purchase, along with a few other things, at their website.

My one bugbear of the concert was that they neglected to play what is, frankly, the greatest Bond song ever written... one which I still don’t know why other people don’t acknowledge as the best. But, there you have it, the absolute awesomeness of Do You Know How Christmas Trees Are Grown? from On Her Majesty’s Secret Service was not included. What the heck? Maybe they’ll include it in June when they are playing a night at Piz Gloria in Switzerland but, well, it was a bit of a blow that this one didn’t make it onto their list yet. Would have been better than some of those awful Daniel Craig songs that the band here somehow managed to respin into musical gold, I reckon.

That being said, Q The Music’s James Bond Spectacular was still one of the best concerts I’ve been to in years and I certainly hope to catch them when they make it back to London, for sure. If you are a fan of the world of Bond and the wonderful, musical soundscapes from the films... well this is probably the only way to experience this range of material done in as pleasingly an authentic style that you can possibly get out of a live concert situation. Heartily recommended and you can visit the group on their home page at https://qthemusicshow.com/ to read about them, hire them, watch and listen to them and just generally get involved. I can’t wait for them to head my way again sometime soon. Nobody does it better.

The Ghost Bus Tours

Who You Gonna Call?

The Ghost Bus Tours
The Necropolis Bus Company - London Branch

Just a quick shout out of a review to the guys and gals, actors and actresses of The Necropolis Bus Company...

Just recently, I found myself staying with a friend in the heart of our country’s capital and one of the escapades we were booked up for was the local tour of this spook themed sightseeing trip, The Ghost Bus Tours. The company in question also hosts similarly themed tours in both York and Edinburgh but I can only speak out for the London version of their spooky shenanigans.

The bus departs promptly at an agreed time in Northumberland Avenue, just off Trafalgar Square and, to save disappointment, you may wish to visit their website and book your seat... you can click on the URL at the bottom of this review. The very bus on which my companion and I found ourselves seated was the lone survivor of a 19th Century Private Funeral Bus service. Due to some bizarre circumstances involving a fire in 1967, which I won’t spoil for you here but which you will find is the subject of a dramatisation on the bus itself, this vehicle itself has its own spooky history and its painted up in the original colours with railway like seating inside and with its own internal lamps and black curtains. Both lamps and curtains come into use at some point on the trip but... you know... I really don’t want to spoil this one for you.

The actor playing the conductor is there to give you a fascinating, guided tour of the haunted hotspots of our fair city and, along the way, he provides more than his fair share of horrible stories which is deftly countered by a comedic tone throughout.

Now, if you’re purely a fan of sophisticated humour and clever witticisms with your travels... this is probably not the tour for you. It has to be said that the majority of the jokes and quips which the conductor comes out with are... I’m delighted to say... real groaners. It makes the trip fun and, although there are some slight scares to be had along the way, these aren’t much that many people couldn’t handle and the emphasis is way more on the comic approach rather than scares. The spooky stuff, which happens as a dramatisation when the conductor is interrupted by the living or the dead, is communicated through a video screen in the top and bottom decks and, also, lighting and sound effects. This communication system also helps convey the drama/humour of the situation should you happen to notice... and it’s pretty hard not to... when the bus picks up the odd, unscheduled customer, for the evening.

As the bus makes its way through the traffic, the conductor points out the sights of London’s most haunted structures and, if you are a complete stranger to London, then you will probably find this extremely handy. A whole host of important buildings and landmarks such as New Scotland Yard, The Old Bailey, The Bank Of England, Lyceum Theatre, The Monument and even the statue of King Charles the First riding a horse which marks the very centre of London, are all pointed out on the trip... amongst many other fascinating and little known locations. Not to mention some beautiful views of London sights such as St. Paul’s Cathedral, Tower Bridge and The Tower Of London. So if you find yourself a complete stranger to our fair capital, it might be worth starting your holidays by taking this ghoulish but fun little trip to give yourself a quick overview of some of the more traditional places you could visit on your stay.

One thing I will say, which is not a criticism but a mild caution, is that some parents may find the graphic descriptions of death and torture mentioned... with a fairly comical delivery, to be sure... something the younger passengers might not be ready for. Similarly, there’s a lot of adult humour in the double entendres and such like used by the conductor - for instance, when referring to going down the rear passage or when talking about the ghost in Cock Lane. All that being said, though, there was a little girl who looked to be about seven or eight years old on the tour when me and my friend rode the bus and she seemed to be having the time of her life. I’m pretty sure the more ‘adult humour’ would have been going over her head and, as far as the morbidly graphic descriptions were concerned... well I guess some kids just like that sort of thing.

The tour finishes with a very mild but entertaining form of audience participation (no, don’t worry... you won’t be singled out to specifically do anything) and, although it’s a pretty cheesy and over-the-top ending to conclude the full, behind-the-scenes story of the bus itself... the tone and the skill of the actors who never once break character make the whole thing just about palatable and, I have to say, I and my companion had a thoroughly good time on the warped but highly entertaining Ghost Bus Tour, which lasts approximately an hour and a half, depending on the density of traffic (I would guess).

If you want to take a look at a promotion for the bus tour and book yourself a ticket, then look no further than this website, www.theghostbustours.com or ring them on 0844 5678 666. If you are of the personality type that enjoys a good laugh involving brushes with the grim reaper and the trail of spirits that walk the earth in search of eternal peace, then this is a nice alternate to the regular kinds of sightseeing bus tours you will find on offer in the City of London. So, who you gonna call?

Dates For Your Diary!

Midnight Media's

"London Film Collectors Fair"

Saturday 5th June 10am - 4pm

Electric Ballroom, Camden High Street

Admission £2

www.midnight-media.net/id10.html

Ed Mason's "Collectors Film Convention"

Saturday 10th July 10am - 4pm

Central Hall, Westminster, Storey's Gate

Admission £4

www.londonfilmfair.co.uk

London Film and Comic Con

Saturday 17th 11am - 6pm and Sunday 18th July 11am - 5pm

Earls Court 2, London

Admission £5

First guests announced... www.londonfilmandcomiccon.com